My your genes are tight!!!

I am not a big fan of genetic engineering. I mean, yes I understand the gene therapy debate and yes I would like monkey strength, but more thought has to be given to modifying genomes that have been finding their niche for millions of years. That said, if they can make a cat that cleans its own litter box and can hold a job to pay for some of the bills, then modify away!

Words

Why do people do this?

"Sounds good - thanx, Malcolm!"

THANX????????

Do you like to hurt?

Then read this. DISGUSTING! SICK!

I hope this changes ideas about "justified" war and takes the steam out of those who have war bravado. War is NOT cool. War is NOT tough. War is NOT a way to peace. War IS dangerous for ALL involved, soldiers and civilians. War IS sad for those at home who "watch" their friends and family die. War IS sad for people in the middle of the conflict trying to live their lives during showers of bullets and bombs. War IS a way to show that a society is not enlightened enough to find a different path. It is no suprise that we spawn terrorists with our actions. If your whole family was at home, at peace, and then was blown to bits by a misguided bomb you would not be full of forgiveness. No way. And, um, you would not be concerned with freedom either.

My joke

I have started a joke today. I interoffice mail one of my coworkers 3 pencils everyday with a note that says,

"HERE ARE THE 3 PENCILS YOU REQUESTED"

How many days of this do you think they will stand before they talk to the boss man?

Eyes

In other news I am a hot prospect for a job in Ireland. I think they are trying to get rid of me...

Whole world frown

I had a meeting today at 10:00 AM. The same meeting happens bi-weekly at 10:00 AM. Nothing is really covered in the meeting. It truely is just a way to waste the department's time. Today, of all days, my director asked, "What should we be doing in this meeting? What do you want to cover?" Nobody answered. Then out of nowhere my mouth opened up and a sound came out that asked,

"Why did you set up the meeting all those months ago if we have no agenda and no topics to cover? Why not instead address topics with meetings instead of the other way around? Seems like a much better idea, does it not?"

The staff grew silent.

I am probably in trouble. This happens to me all the time though. Again, I am a bad complier. I also think my higherups are childish idiots. I also tell it like it is. Oh and I also don't give a fuck. Seriously. Not about business. However I do give a fuck about my family, my friends, Bonobos, underdevelopment in the third world, and music, because they are worth the effort.

Spmimed

The mime spammed me again. I wish he could see what I am gesturing right now!

3 things that could solve a lot of my problems

1. Thing
2. Thing
3. Thing

Dead or Alive

Come with me fair reader, 7 years into the past, to an island off the coast of France, where the ale is plenty, the pound powerful, and where the birds are named Suz and Cath. Come with me to London, England and to Imperial College where I was attending Uni.

One day my friend Polly invited me to see a band play at this club in Camden called Dingwalls (Boo). I’m always game so I went along. It was a group of five including my friends Jonas, Tori, and Bill, going to the concert. I’d never heard of the band, cause at the time I was into Garage, Rap, and Madchester and really was out of the American rock scene. The band was called the Wallflowers and the opener was Brendan Benson. Brendan Benson rocked. I liked his stuff immediately. Then the Wallflowers came on. They were eh. You know, just kind of suburban. Not my thing. All of the sudden they announced that they would like to introduce a little piece of home they brought with them and brought Jon Bon Jovi on the stage. The crowd surged. The peeps from Manchester I had just met that night ran to the stage so, along with my friend Jonas, I did too. My other friend Tori was busy trying to get backstage. She is good at it. She has been “backstage” with a few rock stars and freely admits it. She is lovely though. I don’t think anyone can resist Tori’s charm(s). It is not possible.

The Wallflowers played “Ticket To Ride” with Bon Jovi. I was a bit confused but wildly entertained. They went on to play two more Wallflowers tunes after that, to wrap it up. I had departed from Jonas and my Manchester friends to sit at the bar and have a beer with my buddy Bill. All of the sudden who sits down next to us, but Jon Bon Jovi and the lead singer for the Wallflowers. I think they were amazed I was not shocked by their presence. Bill told the lead singer for the Wallflowers to say hi and get well to his dad. I looked at Bill like he was nuts. Bill then had to tell me who Jacob Dylan was. Jon, seeing that we were American said, “What are you guys doing here?” I said, “Better question is what are you doing here?” He was recording an album. He bought me a beer and we sat in silence until Tori came over and then took the rock stars away. Woo hoo, I met Bon Jovi and really didn't even care.

Keepin' It Real By Keepin' It Raw

Well I survived a weekend of sickness to start a week of it, but who is complaining?

Yesterday was a very relaxing day. My parents headed on to my brother’s at about 8 in the morning. I gave them hugs and remember very little if anything of what I said. It was 8 in the morning after all. Chloe then started a bed-in immediately after. We watched “Spirited Away” in bed, slept, I made breakfast, I fed Chloe breakfast in bed, we slept some more, I went to Best Buy, I returned from Best Buy defeated by the DV chord gods, we watched some video we shot, I surfed the web, Chloe surfed the web, I made sandwiches, and then I fell asleep while Chloe posted. You realize that Chloe never left the bed. NEVER. She is amazing.

Ummm...

Guess who should have listened to Chloe instead of running his dumbass around to wash a comforter? MALCOLM!

I am in bed now and feel awful. The Doc said that I have a bad sinus infection and that I can hope for it to start subsiding in a couple days. HOPE? I was like, "Yo man, what's with this hope. Is it gonna be gone in a couple days or not? I there a chance that it could last three or more days, 'cause in that case y'all better get me some more pills and uh make sure some of them are, uh, valium."

I have a good relationship with my doctor. He is used to my BULLSHIT. He said, "If it lasts longer than a few days give me a ring and no valium." I said, "Damn, worth a shot." He smiled and said, "Get out of here Malcolm and get some rest and drink fluids, but not ones with alcohol in them." My doctor knows me soooo well.

By the way, WHO DRINKS ANYTHING BESIDES FLUIDS? Drinking solids is called choking as far as I know.

Sittin' in the bed and thinkin'

Guess who can't go to work today cause he is sick? MALCOLM!

So here I sit, on the bed, legs crossed, throat full of snot, head in pain, bored as can be. I have a Doctor's appointment in an hour. I hope I'm like the 5th case of Flu in the neighborhood or some shit. I'm not going to be sick for no damn reason. Chloe told me to stay in bed. I am a bad complier (thanks Clo). I plan to wash a comforter and clean the upstairs bathroom. See, I'm not one of those dudes who does nothing around the house. I do lots. I like pitching in. And dammit, Chloe and I are a team and you can't let the team down even when you are on death's door. GO TEAM...cough, swallow, cough, wheeze...

Oh, the pain in my arms
Oh, the pain in my legs
Ooh, my shiftless body

The Moz

Sick, like blech blech

I'm sick and this monkey has nothing to do with it. I just like the picture.

Things to see and hear

Thu 10/21/04 The Subhumans
Tue 11/09/04 Blonde Redhead & Helio Sequence
Wed 11/10/04 The Heavenly States
Thu 11/11/04 The Futureheads
Sun 11/14/04 Del Tha Funky Homosapien
Tue 11/16/04 Brother Ali & MF Doom

Wow, next month is gonna be busy.

Always Keeping Secrets From Myself

Next month I plan to:

Start salsa lessons
Go to the symphony
Start fencing lessons with Ampersand
Get to the gym more so I can get my muscles back

Mercury rising

This is how hot my cube is.

The Cobra strikes no more

Veerappan has been killed. This dude was crazy. I mean crazy. The Indian army almost had to be used against him. Elephants rejoice!

Monkeys, Monkeys, Ted, and Alice

Number 20. I received my 20th copy of the email "George of the Jungle." You know, the one with pictures of GW next to pictures of a chimp? Last election it was hilarious. This election, I'm beginning to feel bad for the chimp. The Pres has to grin and bear (ape) it but not the chimp.

I'm sick of election jokes, cause ain't nothin' funny this election. Let us instead come together and pick on Ben Afleck or Sally Field. Who is with me!?!?!

If anything is gonna hit your house...

it may as well be this.

Mt. Rushmore State

So we went to South Dakota. I've been there before. No big city. No glitz. Sioux Falls is cute but smells of cow shit. My friend Beardo treated us to a wonderful weekend. We ate a lot, drank a lot, and checked out the falls. The falls were pretty. Chloe was pretty standing, looking at them.

Overall it was a great weekend, but I don't think SD is for me. I'm not hatin' just not feelin' it. You know?

I've decided to give up

being humorous. It is not getting me anywhere. Why do I have the feeling this is going to make someone laugh? Ugh.

Fall to Autumn and thermodynamics

I love autumn.
Plants start to turn in for the winter.
The night creeps on, longer and longer, at last.
Goosebumps from the cold night air return as do the tiny roving ghouls and ghosts.
There is general decay as everything braces for the winter.

With a forlorn brow and with her mind rent, Eve slowly stepped aside and let the others take control

I bought three CDs though only one was of the three I mentioned yesterday. I love the record store.

Spread your ashes on the mountain you never climbed

I am going out today to buy three CDs which I am very excited about.

They are:

Dirty On Purpose Sleep Late for a Better Tomorrow

West Indian Girl West Indian Girl

VHS or Beta Night on Fire

I'm hoping these will be a temporary panacea for my deuced complacency.

Requiem

I awoke this morning feeling as if my hair had grown grey and my eyes ashen blue. I started to a world stilled for a moment. I had a sense of a lament growing, a plaint, low and clear like the moan of a ship’s hull, waves breaking and battering it in a storm; the sound, sadness for strength stretched too far. Taken by the feeling that any noise would be a requiem, I remained silent and cold, rolling over to Chloe to fall back to sleep.

I don’t like when I wake up that way.

Spam me a glass box

I got spammed by a mime today. No shit. A real, honest to goodness mime! I am so freaking lucky! It is still spam though. Mime-bastard.

What you should do today

I think that everbody should donate ten bucks to save an endangered species today. It would be a nice thing to do. Just think about the enormous sense of well-being you will get!

I like Bonobos (and here). But support what you wish!

APE APE APE APE!

Being interested in primates...

OH PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE!!!

KILLER (hopefully) MONSTER GORILLA-CHIMP-LIKE APES'S...YES!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESULT!

Thank you mother nature!

Blackout!

Work is even worse when there is no power in your cube. I did get a lot of reading done today though.

Boys don't cry

I woke up this morning with a lot of sadness for the records/tapes/cds I have lost over the years. When I was in my late teens I had amassed tapes upon tapes of music. I literally had all of old skool hiphop and a ridiculous amount of punk and goth tunes. Sadly tapes were meant to fade and fade they did. I was always comforted by the fact what I had on tape was complimented by what I had on CD and Vinyl. Sadly this comfort would erode.

Blame it on my greedless nature or my "girlfriends"(the mean, socially inept, cruel, emotionally part-time ones, NOT CHLOE!), CDs and records would start to disappear as quickly as they were gathered, vampired away by part time fans or lovers of cover art.

So here I am...lamenting the loss of my Cure albums, fawning for the scratch of vinyl as Joy Division rings though the house, remembering that Scarface was a gangsta of love, thinking about old, old pretty Ministry (Forever), or how the Black Sheep never were the flavor of the month. Ahhhhhh, cry I might.

Sometimes even I don't get me

I was thinking about Voltron today. Okay, I want to preface this by saying that I gave up cartoons in my childhood and really have not returned to them less once when I decided to get a lazy hobby. That lazy pastime was comic book reading. The problem with comic reading me is that I did not have a story in mind and I read really fast. I would have needed about 15 comics a week to make it worth while. It was an impossible idea. I was already broke from the bar. I instead took up smoking for the second time. It fit with the bar. But now I quit. Ahh the ups and downs...moving on.

I was thinking about Voltron today and how I used to race home after school to watch it. Actually I raced home to watch both Voltron and Tranzor Z. I learned two things from those shows I would like to share.

Boobs on robots or on women are deadly - On Tranzor Z, the female robot had missile breasts. They were effective when battling male robots. The same goes for humans. Human women's breasts can be very dangerous for the males of the species. Even when you befriend their master they are killers.

Princess Sven - If your name is Sven and you are skinny and wear a pretty blue jumpsuit and control the Blue (Water) Lion you may be a princess and will get replaced by a female one soon. Apparently Voltron did not value diversity except in lions.

Anyway that is what goes through my head when referencing the Chicago Manual of Vile.

Politics and Me

I was asked today if I take a heavy interest in politics by a coworker. I never really think about it. Today I did. At first I thought, "NO!” I mean I don't go around picking political arguments, nor do I don candidate wear, nor do I protest much (my first protest was for Lake Michigan Cleanup), and I hardly ever divulge my political orientation which is somewhere between Ben Franklin, The Ghan, drink on Sunday German immigrants, Thai food, Iggy Pop, the Saturn V rocket, and KRS-1. I have no bumper sticker on my car for any party or platform though I do want one that says "Suck It" or "Why isn't after befive?" or "I hope your big SUV makes up for your tiny...” but those are another matter for another time.

BUT I AM very politically minded. Chloe and I always banter about politics. She has a great mind for political thought and our discussions never turn to argument but instead allow us to firm up our convictions and opinions and sometimes end in post conversational snogging. Since childhood (seriously, I was an odd one) I have been constantly concerned with the UN and UN legislation, our world view, the world's view of us, the general underdevelopment of Africa, the reasons why the typical American does not understand what the "Third World" is really about, Vaclav Havel and his coolness, the two party cistern, and socialism's bad rap.

Chloe was amazed that I thought I was not engaged politically. She said,

"Of course you are, you talk about politics all the time."

I guess I never noticed. Who knew?

Scannerinterpol

I ordered a new OCR scanner today for my workgroup for doing small batch scanning jobs and for general use (SLIDES!). Our other scanners are high end and kind of a pain when you just need one page scanned. Instead of getting a thanks, which I really did not expect or need, I got yelled at by a Smurf because it only scans 12 pages a minute and has a 50 sheet feeder.

Me
"When the hell do YOU scan anything 50 pages long which needs to be done scanning in under 4 minutes!"

Me (In head)
"Don't make me go Azreal on your short ass!"

Smurf
"Sometimes!!!"

Me
"Sometimes is not gonna cut it and what'n the bloody hell are you talking about!"

Me (In head)
"I'm surrounded by vegetables. I should have tried harder during that Redhat interview!"

I hate scan bastards.

On a brighter note, I get to see Interpol again. DOPE!

what a #%*!

Nobody ever said actors are supposed to be smart but this guy...THIS GUY...oh man is he missing a few screws. Apparently he never read Titus Andronicus. I should probably shut up though considering I read Ananova quirkies.

You know...

I love my gmail account. I just do.

DIY Snowday

The best part of vacation and sicktime are DIY snowdays. Best days ever. Blankets, a fire, movies, and cat madness...and no work!

It could have been a brilliant career

Do you think that if I am good at sitting in a chair, bored and annoyed, that it may be my superpower?

Cat status

Cat one: Oiko the Chloe Cat
Cat two: Moscar the Malcolm Cat

I've decided to change their names because, well, they rule everything in the house and I don't wanna piss them off.

After first meeting.

Oiko is completly beside himself with worry. He sits on Chloe like he is trying to hold on to her as a last ditch effort to keep his kingdom.

Moscar is trapped upstairs. He is awaiting freedom. He is mostly confused and fat.

Who ARE these people?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the internet,

An event like no other happened tonight. My mother emailed me and the most powerful line in the political diatribe was "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?". This was akin to my Chloe's last post titled Who ARE these people? The women in my life are outraged. The world has been warned. And you people, yeah you! WHO ARE YOU?

Shals,

Malcolm

IT IS THE END OF MY WEEK IN HELL

Where is Chloe?!?!