b & g me!

Okay, Chloe and I are jacked in. We got rid of cable, said goodbye to earthlink dialup, and said hello to broadband and WiFi. The Powerbook is happy. We are happy. My other machines are sad because they are off the network at the moment but screw them. I can listen to BBC 6 at all hours while looking at my favorite web page (I have been looking at this thing for 5 years and can't get enough) and, for once, we are free to update the blog without listening to a 56k whistle! FUCKING BRILLIANT!

I know for most people this is old news but we are slow to jump on bandwagons and alas it is another "thing." I can't even tell ya' how long it took this idea to turn into reality.

Our lives have changed for the next month!

My vacation is

almost gone and I am not going back to work. I don't wanna. I DON'T WANNA. I just want to be at home and for them to leave me alone...except when they pay me. :-D

Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat

I called into MPR today because some maniac was saying that Donald Rumsfeld is not reponsible for the actions of the generals/troops/contractors underneath him. Chloe called me while I was enroute to the body shop for my mirror to give me the 411 on the radio show. She told me me to rip the guy a new asshole. I filled out a form, got back in the car, got on my cellphone, and did as ordered. With a well placed Les Aspin and the help of a fellow caller we put ol'dude on the defensive. HA! Fucker.

Day one as a free man

1. Woke up and went to work...to get some forms.
2. Went home to do some research.
3. Worked on a top secret project that was 90% complete and then managed to fuck it up and put it back to 5% complete. Then worked really hard to get it back to 100%. It is a gift for Chloe.
4. Went to the bank and did some banking...there is really not much else to do at the bank.
5. Thought about going to get a bloody mary by myself...bad idea. Went to plan B.
6. Plan B. Went to the yarn store to get some mohair. I wondered while at the store if mohair experienced the same sort of popularity during the 60's and 70's as Motown did.
7. Thought about teaching myself how to knit. Realized this was a terrible idea for my first day off.
8. Watched the cats sleep for at least 4000 hours.
9. Went out to get stamps, food, and firewood.
   
10. Came home to put food in the house and to rip off my sideview mirror on the garage while putting away firewood. Lets say it together, shall we...
    

    "HA HA HA! YOU HIT THE HOUSE WITH YOUR NEW CAR!"

11. Made dinner for the fam (Me and Chloe) and Chloe picked rice out of Oiko.
12. Watched Chloe sleep. This is far more satisfying than watching cats because at least she wakes up and has a conversation eventually and she does not take up the whole couch, just the part she is sleeping on. The cats take up the whole couch and the bed and the dining room and the toilet. Cats, everywhere you want to be...alone!
    
13. Quickly finished some Christmas limericks.
14. BED BED BED
    

WWMD?

This is what my notebook is filled with at work. Luckily I have 13 days of mandatory vacation coming up. The new question of the month is "WHAT WILL MALCOLM DO?" I have no idea what the old question was. All I know is this is the new one. Love it or leave it, hide or reveal it, show or conceal it, ring it or peal it...I digress.

Answers coming soon. People get ready! That's all I'm sayin'. Remember, I was born bored, so this "time" is troubling to me. I'm having Chloe draw up a list of "activities."

This is what I do in meetings...

There once was a meeting so boring,
That some in it found it deploring.
With slide after slide,
Whole parts of them died.
The job market, they are now exploring.

Thanks be to my gritting teeth

Thank you again Minnesota for your freezing rain resulting in a 90-minute RIDE-OF-TERROR to work this morning. Thank you WORK for not helping me feel any better. Thank you sleeplessness for helping the whole thing fall into perspective. Thank you William, Christina, Oscar, Alan, and Iris for distracting me from my Pharmacy degree and exposing my inner lit-nerd. Thank you literature for giving me oh so many job opportunities. Thank you language for letting me rant and rave about my small and insignificant problems.

No...thank YOU!

Spanish Civil War (YOU SUCKED!)

I love using war titles...

listen, learn, love

You know what I hate?

I hate when I have black ink on my face and not one person I work with is good enough to tell me. Yes, I think it is funny too but how long can the joke last. I mean, if it happened to them I would say something right away, after I snapped a picture.

Happiness is a Wonton with the one you love

You know, your honey only working a mile from you is a fantastic thing. We had lunch together today, which we do once or twice a week, and man, I have to tell you, I have been daydreaming about my Wonder Grrl ever since. Awwwwww.

And they did what?

This is really dumb. Thanks for the link Beardo.

I accidentally lose keys, my wallet, my mind, my girlfriend when she is following me in her car, and my work but explosive objects, that is going too far!

I know how they can find the bag. They need to hire Chloe and my Mother. Together, they can find any lost item! Seriously. Nessy would cease to be a mystery if my Mom and Chloe went to Scotland and took a look around!

Stonewalling the Chance for a Brickhouse

My friends, Ampersand and Beardo, have been using a new word which I never really thought would come out of their psuedo-intellectual, intellectual mouths. COCKBLOCK!

Cockblock
Urban Dictionary

1. To prevent a male friend or associate from getting some action.
   Damn, Johnny just totally cockblocked his roommate. Ass.
   
2. Any such attempt to prevent a male friend or associate from getting some action.
   OK, Isaac's making his move on Clarisse in the living room, and the game is on in fifteen minutes. We're going to have to attempt a cockblock.
   

The fratboy lexicon has taken over my public school going, antique buying, Saab driving, Grant Lee listening, syrup hating, Fighting Bob LA Follette-like fighting, Thic Nhat Hanh reading buddies. I never thought it would happen. Beardo is set on cockblocking Amps when we are in Kansas City. Amps is set on cockblocking Beardo in return. The problem is that there is little chance that either of them will get laid anyway, so they need to help not hurt! Beardo will drink too much to parle with the ladies and Amps will say something hilarious but offensive and any woman in a three state area will catch wind of it and run away. The problem is, barring this behavior, they have a very good chance for casual sex. It is really quite astonishing how it always works out against them.

I have to say though it will be a riot watching them cockblock while Chloe and I hang out and smooch in the New Year!

Kansas City Here We Come

Hello all of you netizens (Ali)!

First question:
Silent K, e.g. knee, what the fuck?

Second question:
Why does my friend Beardo claim that when drinking he never pukes but we have more memories of him puking than doing anything else when he is drunk?

Okay, we are going to Kansas City for New Years!

I have nothing more to add really. Chloe has said it all and with style.

Love ya!

Malcolmtents, get pissed! DESTROY!

What did I say?

Uh uh, no I didn't!

Did I say that Amherst, WI is 3 hours away? No, it is not. IT IS 4 FUCKING HOURS AWAY. Wedding here we...oh for gods sake!

Mal Mal Mal

Tact (n)
Sensitive mental touch; peculiar skill or faculty; nice perception or discernment; ready power of appreciating and doing what is required by circumstances.

I think that in an environment that pushes personal freedom and expression there has been a slow but constant movement towards tactlessness. Don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom and expressing oneself but there is way too much of the "fuck all" attitude and the "its none of their business" mentality. I think that sometimes tact is wrongly defined as a quelling of ones own feelings, wants, desires, and emotions. That is not it at all. It is the use of discretion to protect the feelings of yourself and others. For example, you don't bring up your cousin's ex-wife at his wedding. Consideration of others is a wonderful thing. People who have tact strive not to hurt the ones they care about. The tactless are just bound for pain.

So people, lets use some tact from time to time. Please?

Moonshadow

BAH! I made the biggest mistake in the world this morning and listened to Cat Stevens (Yusaf Islam) on the way to work. I found myself looking out to the edge of darkness for that peace train and wondering what my hardheaded woman was up to! And now I am thinking about Saturday night and that I will have some money!

OH MY GOD! I AM SCREWED!

Insanity Light

I recommend a book by Emily Colas called "Just Checking". It is her account of life with obsessive compulsive disorder. I think it is a fun and insightful read. It is an even better read if you are slightly neurotic, compulsive, obsessive, crazy, have a wild (bigger than WILD) imagination, prone to laughing at yourself, and would like to know that you are not the only one who has worries, even if she worries way more than you. I read it once, about 6 years ago, and I am reading it again!

Mix yo'self!

I'm a huge fan of mixed tapes/cds/SD cards. It is nice to know not what "kinds" of music people like, but to know what songs they actually listen to. What would you put on a mixtape? Give me an A and B side with 5 songs each!

Example:

A Side
Kings of Conveniance "Homesick"
Big Star "Feel"
Deltron 3030 "The News (A Wholly Owned Subsidiary Of Microsoft Inc.)"
O.C.M.S. "Big Time in the Jungle"
British Sea Power "A Lovely Day Tomorrow"

B Side
Common Sense "Food for Funk"
West Indian Girl "Hollywood"
Clifford Curry "Ain't No Danger"
Black Sabbath "The Straightener"
My Morning Jacket "Christmas Curtain"
*BONUS TRACK*
Now It's Overhead "Wait In a Line"