LOOK OUT

If you are in belgium and find this woman say, "Damn you old!"

understatement

Moving stuff sucks. I would be a horrible herdsman. I would not move my flock to find better pasture. I would stay and make them starve. Migratory my ass! I was not Mongolian in my last life. That is for sure.

This stems from the move of items from Chicago-land, in case you are lost and confused. And if you still are, there are medicines for what you have. Nice ones. Happy ones. Addictive ones. MMMMmmmmm, addiction. Smoke free still! Oh, and Chloe is proud of me!

Art

I noticed that when I go to art museums I make up my own names for untilted and titled pieces. For example, I remember thinking the name of the The Night Watch should be, Does Anyone Have a Flashlight? Oh and then there is The Birth of Venus which I call Venus on a Half Shell, by Botticelli. Most of Jackson Pollock can be renamed, Where's the Cigarette Butt?

I assume most people do this but I sometimes assume too much. And I am the same person who called an Acolyte a Hippolyte! Ugh.

Off to Chicago-land

Road trip!

So the plan this weekend is to get Chloe's Mom's stuff out of her Mom and Step dad's house before it is handed over to new owners. Her step dad is getting remarried to a bug-eyed woman who hates everything except stupid ceramics and Notre Dame, apparently. Her step dad is cool though. And he thinks I'm cool. So that's 3.5 cool people who think I am cool. They are:

• Chloe - CAKES!
• Chloe's step dad - Rad but confused.
• My Mom - Currently raising a militia.
• The girl at the Specs Shop who said I was very cute and dark and gave me free contacts because she wanted me to "look hot." I'm sure she thinks I'm cool. She was a bit weird though so I'm making her half a cool person.

My father and brother know that I am not cool. They try to tell me all the time.

Anyway, we rented a van and leave tonight. I'm hoping for some roadside loving, though I'm not counting on it, though YOU HAVE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE VAN!

The whole moving thing is kind of stressful on Chloe. Poor thing. She is sort of caught in the middle between family. Not a good place to be but she is handling it better than anyone can imagine. I'm sure things will work out okay. Oh, and she will get to see her sister which is very exciting. Well, I think it is exciting.

Cig free for 4 days...

Anyway

So things are better today. I'm not nearly as bitter though I still harbor some anger for Harry Potter. I really miss Chloe. She has been super supportive of me, in general. I hope my smoking cessation lasts. I really don't want to smoke anymore. I hate being on a chain. Well, it's time to down some ibuprofin. Bottoms up!

Bored and bitter

So my car works a bit better though I've decided to buy a new one. I hope I can find one I like that is cheap. I have really good taste, let me tell you.

And now for the news.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1075038.html?menu=news.quirkies

Isn't this obvious. Harry Potter is not attractive literature unless you are trying to pick up 12 year olds and that is weird as hell.

My very short list of unattractive books that are currently popular.

• The DaVinci Code - Nothing says, "I think for myself," like this book.
• Lord of the Rings - You should read this you 60-sided die tossing, sexy beast, you.
• Big Fat Stupid White Men - Mr Moore is a good film-maker but is not above being a BFSWM himself. The title alone, does not paint a good picture in ones head. Also see DaVinci Code comments.
  
• Angels and Demons - Vatican, Priests, and Terrorists, oh my! Reading this is a sure sign of intelligence.
• Anything David Sedaris - Shows that you really don't have a sense of humor because you can read books and books about someone else's not-so-unusual family and that person's sad stuggles. Would that make you boring? Hmmmmm. Heartless? Hmmmmmmm. Or are you taking too much suggestion from NPR? DING DING DING!
  

Okay. I admit it. I quit smoking, so I hate everything less Chloe who has been a big help. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bah

I'm going home to go to bed. Bah, with this day. Bah I tell you. Bah!

Speak of the devil

My car died for a bit but has been resurected. WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN NOW? Must go to shop tonight. WHAAAA, WHAAAAA!

It's a bad time for a little mouse

Oh did I mention my car is close to death. A bad week begins fo' shizz.

bling gone blung

You know it is odd. For months I felt financially stable and then I got one unexpected bill. Just one that has totally put me in a panic. Do you think they wait for you to be at ease before unleashing a financial hurricane on you. I wish my habits were cheaper. Ugh. Must quit smoking to save money. Ugh. Then I will loose my mind but that is a small price to pay for food.

Helen Keller PSA

There is nothing funny about Helen Keller. Nothing. I tried to make her funny but alas I could not. Sorry Helen.

I'm going to work on making Grover Cleveland funny now. Oh the tasks I take on.

Late Breaking News

Had lunch with sweet Chloe. Feel better about my day now. She has the amazing ability to put me at ease. Also things are looking up for her at work. C! C! C! C!

I've made the decision to let my hair down tonight (the hair that I have left). Way too busy at work. Need to slow down. A beer would be good, four would be better.

I'm not sorry for the things I've done.

And with a whizz-bang start to my day yogurt landed on my keyboard, I found out a good friend's parents are getting a divorce, I got work dumped on me, and I am tired. I would be bitter but my keyboard has good flora. I view it as an ounce of prevention.

I hope the afternoon and night play better.

Oh I also realized that maybe I'm not the biggest fan of Japanese cuisine outside of sushi and sashimi. It is all a bit plain to me. This is a result of my upbringing. I grew up with food that was like a sledgehammer, meaning flavors were not subtle but smashed your shit up. Now, I do like subtle tastes and textures but Japanese cuisine has more subtle than I can handle and salty, sweet, and fishy are not the most engaging flavors. Now I'm not saying I will never eat it or lack the want to appreciate it but I will not go out of my way for it. I think it may be better for those who never eat spicy, flavorful things or maybe for those who dislike color. Not sure. Maybe I'm just uneducated. Oh well. I'm sure the Japanese will not be offended.

Acme Entry

I find myself with a lack of anything to say. We are going to send some friends off to LA tonight by downing noodles and broth Nippon style. I hope luck is in their favor because the weather will be.

I leave you with this.


Rain
Soft in the dark
We take a left thru the deepening park
Grass
Soaking and warm
Past the iron gates
August has come

I want you so bad in my heart
I touch your shadowed fingers in the dark
the stars have fallen on this night like rain
In the silence of the dark October lanes

- Alasdair MacLean

Waiters

Okay, last night Chloe and I had an anniversary which was really lovely. We met at a nice restaurant and ate some very delightful food. Chloe almost died eating the chocolate mousse torte with gelato. Seriously, she was in chocolovage!

Our waiter, though, was quite possibly the strangest waiter on earth. He grabbed my Luckys and commented on them. He told Chloe he did not want to "blow smoke up her skirt" about the selection of wine. He also said, "To ruin a perfectly good evening, would you like dessert?" Weird dude. He was pleasant though. I will give him that, though he was overly concerned about my beef tenderloin. Hmmmm. I may have to worry.

Anyway, another fantastic anniversary passed and many more to come. Life is good though minds are heavy. C you rock.

Seeing things.

So I put together my Ikea goods. There was one issue though. Ikea did not provide me with a very necessary screw for my end table. Ikea! Another example of European quality...then again the damn thing only cost me 15 bones. Still!

Also, my cat has lost his damn mind. He spent the night staring at the front door of the apartment. I too have lost my damn mind because I spent the night staring at him staring at the front door. It was small group mass hysteria as far as I could tell. Chloe slept peacefully though. Lucky girl. She was not wondering what the cat was staring at or what could be behind the door. I assumed it was a ghost or a giant mouse. I really feared the latter for, if true, all hope would have rested on the shoulders of a cat. That is a lot of responsibility for a cat. That's even a lot of responsibility for a person!

Sex and Ikea

I am not turned on by Ikea. Blue and yellow don't make me hot, but Chloe on the otherhand...GRRRRRRR!

AEKIIKEA is ...

I had a lot of respect for the people of Norseland until today. Okay, my Swedish friends please do not think me a bigot, because I love you like lefse, but IKEA is a nightmare realised. Chloe made it apparent to me that my CD collection was brimming over the top of the closet. Okay, closets aren't cups but you get my point with the brimming and all. Anyway, I needed a CD rack to stop this brimming (i will stop with brimming). So, where did we decide to go for this "lid?" IKEA, of course. Now, this seemed like a fantastic plan. IKEA, filled with useful cheap items that come unassembled waiting to be solutions to your unorganized, sloppy life.

5 reasons that make IKEA a nightmare.

1. It is big. Big like a stadium. Big like your mama's behind. It's that big. Oh, and the little tiny map does not show the shortcuts. Follow the kids with the Urban Outfitters sale item t-shirts for those.
2. It is packed with idiots out shopping. Thats right IKEA fans, you are idiots. Take that!
3. Where are all the carts? Is there a secret handshake to get one? I had to hit on a little old lady to find some wheels for my CD "Media Storage Unit."
4. What the fuck is a Media Storage Unit? I was expecting Tom Brokaw to come popping out when I opened the smoked glass doors.
5. Why is there a Swedish food store in the FURNITURE STORE? Do little thin wafer cookies fit in with the snackbar's .99 cent hotdog or the cinnibon-like rolls? No, they don't. And why would I want a chocolate named after a KILLER bird anyway? A KILLER BIRD! A MARABOU! MURDERERS!